When Things Turn Around

Things fall apart so they can come together.

I’ve been quiet for a while.

I’ve been processing.

Because this thing happened, where all the things you’ve waited for, wished for, prayed for, the things you’ve cried over countless times, the dream that got endlessly deferred and you’d started to convince yourself was just not meant for you anymore - suddenly, it all starts to happen.

It all comes together. And I’m still in the ‘pinch me’ phase of allowing myself to believe it’s real.

I had decided back before Christmas that Montreal just wasn’t working out for me. I wanted to move to Toronto where there are more opportunities. I wasn’t going to renew my lease in June. So, I started taking trips to Toronto, meeting with studios, scoping out spaces, seeing where I might be able to carve out of space for myself there. And while I really vibed with the city, nothing particularly exciting was coming out of those meetings.

And time was ticking. I’ve been earning next to no money in Montreal for two years, struggling to stay afloat - I was absolutely not going to move to Toronto without a solid job lined up.

Amid this, I had a mental health incident back in February. My dad had to come out and stay with me. I had a week of doctor’s visits, crisis line calls - a moment I had to admit had been in the works for a long time.

Everything had to slow down while I took care of that.

Time continued to tick. My rent renewal date was coming up and I was no closer to figuring anything out.

My parents suggested why don’t I just move back to Nova Scotia and sleep on their couch for a couple of months while I figure things out - I’d get to Toronto eventually.

So, that became the plan and it relieved the pressure a little.

At the beginning of April, a friend of mine sent me a link to a job posting. There was a new high end private members gym opening up in Toronto and they were looking for cycle instructors. I took a look through the recruitment page and they were also advertising for someone to head up their spin department. I thought, ‘Bet, that’s me, I can do it standing on my head - I’m applying.’

I spent a full day getting this application together; video clips of me instructing, a video intro of me, a detailed application answering War and Peace length essay questions - it was intense!

The following week, I was called for an interview. At the end of that interview, they told me I was through to the next round. I had to go to Toronto the next week to audition and have another short interview.

The week after that, they contacted me to say they wanted to interview me again about my leadership skills. So I had to go to Ottawa for that (2.5 hours away). I prepped round the clock for that interview, ensuring I had examples for any given scenario they could possibly mention over my more-than-decade-long career.

The day before the interview, they email me to confirm all the details and said ‘oh and by the way, we’re also considering you for this other role’. I open the link and the role is a much bigger one than the one I’d applied for. With this one, I’d basically be overseeing all the boutique fitness offerings within the space (spin, boxing, yoga, Pilates, Barre), leading the instructor team, dealing with high end clientele etc.

Deep breath.

The next day rolls around, I head to Ottawa for my interview and I was there for over 4 hours, doing another cycling demo class, chatting to the team, participating in some classes.

I got out of there at 7:30pm and on the two and a half hour drive back to Montreal, I allowed myself to dream a little, because I felt I’d been seen and understood and respected. I felt my experience had been admired and wanted and definitely considered an asset.

Could it be that I could really be in with a shot at this thing?

I got home and collapsed into bed, exhausted.

The next morning, they called me at 9am to tell me I got the job - the bigger role that I’d only found out the day before that I was actually up for.

Since then, it’s been all systems go.

It’s gone from preparing to go to Nova Scotia to sleep on my parents couch for a few months, to building my dream life in Toronto.

I’ve been doing training in Ottawa a few days a week the last couple of weeks.

Today I’m flying to Toronto for the day to audition instructors for my team.

This week, I pack up my Montreal apartment and on the weekend, drive to my new life in Toronto.

I’m crying as I write this because three months ago, this was all impossible. Three months ago, I had a day I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it to the end of and thank goodness, my dad came to save me. Three months ago, I’d convinced myself that I shouldn’t work in fitness at all and that I was fooling myself about whatever gifts I felt I had in that department.

Through extreme financial hardship, skipping out on groceries sometimes because I was so broke, to battling with my mental health and just simply trying to keep going for one…more…day - I honestly don’t know how I’m still here.

Will? Sure. Determination? Maybe. Grit? Healthy doses of it. Self-belief? Even when that felt shaky, I knew I wasn’t delusional that I have a talent for this thing I do and the right people will find it.

One minute all the odds seemed totally stacked against me, the next minute The Universe spun the block screaming ‘WE AIN’T FORGET ABOUT YOU GIRL! JUMP IN! WE’RE LEVELLING UP!’

Montreal was a tough couple of years for me. It taught me that sometimes you have to lose everything and be willing to rebuild from the ground up, in unfamiliar territory. You have to strip it all away to find out if it does all really matter to you, if you’re willing to fight for it, if you’re willing to let your ego die and do things differently. Can you sit in the silence, the discomfort, the unknowing, long enough to receive the truth? Even if that truth is hard?

It brought me to my breaking point, literally. It allowed me to surrender and accept help. And while for much of my time here, I have felt my lowest, my least confident, my most confused, I am now emerging from it feeling humbled, grateful, renewed and so ready for this next chapter.

And with everything in me, I believe it’ll be one of the best yet.