Thursday Murmurings
Using your voice, committed friendship and losing your ego
Happy Thursday, ya beauties!
Kicking it off this week with Sarah Brady, ex girlfriend of Jonah Hill. Last week, Brady published text messages from Hill during their relationship in which he berated her and mused over her continuous violation of his ‘boundaries’. In what has come to highlight both the overuse of ‘therapy-speak’ and what manipulative, coercive control looks like, Hill doesn’t seem to have a grasp on the fact that boundaries are not about trying to control someone else’s behaviour.
Plenty has been written on the topic over the past week. Brady has said Hill was emotionally abusive. To those of us who have been in emotionally abusive relationships, we can look at those texts and see that they are exactly that. It’s been somewhat maddening to see the male chorus online see absolutely nothing wrong with the texts and branding the ‘emotional abuse’ label as an overreaction. So, I’ll leave the internet to debate that and simply say, I think it was incredibly brave of Sarah Brady to speak her truth and highlight this. It’s important that the ways emotional abuse manifest are seen and understood so that hopefully, people can spot the signs sooner and get out.
Things that caught my eye this week
Having just moved cities, the idea of building friendships is one that’s at the forefront of my mind. Having spent much time in my previous city feeling isolated, disconnected and alone, I vowed to myself to do things differently this time. My intention is to be much more proactive, go to events, say yes to more things and really put myself out there.
When I saw this article a few days ago, I fell in love with this idea. This woman, of Iranian descent, saw how arranged marriages have worked in her home country and decided to try the idea of ‘arranged friendships’. She got a group of women together, they had a commitment ceremony, where they committed to building this friendship group and to nurture their connection and it’s really worked for them in powerful ways. I love this idea so much and am very tempted to try it. It seems as we age, so many of us are struggling to find the type of deep connection we really want in a friendship, so hell, an ‘arranged friendship’ is worth a try, right?
Food for thought
If you don’t like it, change it. Complaining about it won’t make it better. Feeling frustrated won’t make it better. You don’t have to settle or accept it. Oftentimes we’ll stay in something because complaining about it is easier than changing it. Lowering your standards and compromising is easier than fighting for the gold standard you want and deserve. Don’t be that person. Be the change you want to see.
You should subscribe to the paid version of The Murmuration because…
On Monday’s paid version of The Murmuration I’m talking about surrendering your ego so you can experience more. Our old friend ego is holding us back from a wealth of experiences. How can we learn to tune into our state of being unbothered. Because if we truly allowed ourselves to be in that state, how free we could be. Subscribe to the paid edition and join me on Monday for a masterclass in giving fewer fucks.
Your Weekly Biggie Smalls (p)update
This week Biggie would like to remind you to make time to play. Life doesn’t always need to be so serious, ya know? Goof around a little, blow off some steam, get silly. Biggie guarantees you’ll feel better for it.
Now’s your time
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Until next week; smile at strangers, spread good vibes, be nice to people.