Singleness and the Strains on Your Wallet

Uffff, it is expensive, honey.

I have spent more of my life single than I have coupled. Over the last few years, I’ve read more and more about how difficult it is to date, how more people are choosing the stay single, how the pandemic busted up many-a-relationship and what none of them really seem to cover in detail is the sheer insane cost of being single.

The freedom of singlehood can be a truly wondrous, liberating thing. I can always tell the people who’ve spent their lives bouncing from relationship to relationship, never really taking the time to get to know themselves. And if that’s your bag, hey, cool, do what you feel. But I can’t help but think of the joy of utter independence that you miss out on. It doesn’t have to be forever. As humans we crave intimacy, so I fully understand the need and want to be partnered. But I do feel everyone should go through a phase or two of singledom to plug into themselves for a while.

However, existing as a single person is harder and harder. Firstly, there is the financial burden of not being able to split your rent and bills with anyone. If you don’t make much to begin with, you learn to stretch your money like elastic bands to make it from pay cheque to pay cheque. It is stressful. There are no tax incentives to being single, we get no benefits. It feels like a bit of a punishment - oh, you chose this life of solitude? Well, fuck you, figure it out then.

Fancy a quick trip away? Think again, singleton. When you don’t get to split the cost with anyone, you have to be at a certain level of baller status to afford frequent trips away on your own. Not being able to split the cost with anyone kills many-a-vacation dream and sometimes certain places even charge higher rates for single occupancy rooms. A true gut punch.

On top of that, there’s no one to split the emotional labour of life with. No one to run an errand for you, cook when you can’t be bothered, pick up the slack. You don’t really get to have slack as a single person. Having to take care of everything, all the time, all by yourself, is frikkin’ exhausting.

Between the prospect of being financially fucked and having your life workload increase (though let’s be real, stats show that if you’re partnered with a cis het man, you’re already doing more than the lion’s share of chores in your house anyway) - these factors lead to many women having to stay in abusive and unsafe relationships.

I myself stayed in one longer than I should have for exactly this reason. My then partner was financially controlling and I knew I’d be fucked if I left. It was terrifying. In the end I had no choice. I left with nothing, was homeless for a bit and had to claw my up to a point where I could afford to rent a place.

But what does it say about the prospect of being alone, and the financial and logistical horrors that come with it, that many women in physically abusive relationships won’t leave because the thought of having to deal with all that if they do is too much.

It’s high time that romantic love and partnered relationships weren’t constantly held up as the ultimate living arrangement. The way the world is going, it’s just not the case for more and more people. Choosing yourself is something to be celebrated, it shouldn’t break the bank.