How to Stop People Pleasing

Whew! It's hard!

It took me a while to realise I was a people pleaser. It’s not until therapy speak made it into popular lexicon that we really even had the language for it or could identify the behaviour within ourselves.

In the abusive relationship I was in, my people pleasing ramped up to the Nth degree, mainly as a way to stay safe. The times I attempted to express opinions that didn’t align with theirs, give any push back or stand up for myself, became so fraught, my nervous system would be left in tatters. It just felt easier to bite my tongue.

That of course comes with its consequences though. Those feelings will come out one way or another.

People pleasing shows up in all our relationships, be they with lovers, friends, parents or siblings. With friends, it can be particularly difficult to speak up and draw boundaries.

Here’s are the ways I’m taking steps to tackle my people pleasing tendencies where conflict or uncomfortable discussions may arise.