Happy to be at the Table?

The line that got us all thinking

It was pretty impossible last week not to have Carrie Coon’s speech from the season 3 White Lotus finale swirling around your head. It was poignant and moving, relatable and sad.

If you have no clue what I’m talking about, you can watch it here.

For those of us in our 40s, I think it brought up a lot. Where she talks about not having a belief system and how she’s tried to find that through work, love and motherhood to no avail, I have no doubt there were many women who felt that deep in their souls.

For many, perhaps it’s not a belief system per se, but more so a sense of trying to tick the boxes of what we’re told we should want, as girls who were raised to believe we could have it all. We can work and have a family and deep, lasting love and for so many of us, we have found that to be just a fairytale.

I know for me, as someone who has lived in different countries and not gone after any of the traditional things I’m ‘supposed’ to want, that part of the monologue hit home. Without those very recognisable anchors, sometimes it feels like a bit of a fight against the norm, to convince, I don’t know, society as a whole maybe (?) that your life has meaning, even though at times you may struggle to find it for yourself.

What she says about time giving her life meaning is spot on. I think the sadness she refers to is part sadness but also part relief at the realisation that she doesn’t need to be anchored to those things and that the longer she lives, the longer she has to explore and live life on her own terms. There’s a relief in knowing you don’t have to carry the burden of conformity.

I’ve had so many conversations with women about the sadness that comes with realising that sometimes all that is holding a friendship together is a shared history. You’ve grown apart, you can both feel it, but you are so used to the weight of what has carried you through the world together, it’s too hard to let go.

And for me, that’s why her ‘I’m just happy to be at the table’ line was so heartbreaking. Because these women spent a week of vacation sniping at each other, going behind each other’s backs, flinging bitchy comments - it’s clear there’s love there, but it’s also clear they’re all at such different points in their lives. Laurie saying she’s just happy to be at the table, felt like even though she’s had this revelation that her life doesn’t need to look a certain way, she’s still too scared to step into it fully, so she’ll settle for these friendships that aren’t necessarily serving her in a meaningful way anymore.

At least, that’s what I got from it. It made me feel grateful that I’m routinely at tables with my friends where I feel included, celebrated, elevated, heard, loved, challenged and a myriad of other things and that I never have to settle for just being happy to be there.

What did you take away from Laurie’s speech?