I turned 44 yesterday.
Astrologically, apparently many things were happening on March 30th; Neptune in Aries, Mercury in the microwave - all those kindsa things, but the primary message being, CHANGE.
And boy, do I feel ready for it.
43 felt like The Great Undoing. How much can you stand? How far can you be pushed? It felt like some real dark-night-of-the-soul/reckoning with self type shit. I felt like I was coming into 2025 battered, bruised, completely unsure about a lot of things.
But 44 came and it feels like the winds of change came with it. It feels like a weight lifted and a new chapter has truly begun.
Do I know what it holds? Absolutely not.
But here’s what 43 taught me;
That I can only control the controllables.
That I can be pushed to my very edge and survive it.
That being childfree is one of the best decisions I ever made.
That, while sometimes I get frustrated with my indecision around where I want to live and build a life, I am realising, I am always exactly where I need to be, learning exactly what life needs me to at the time.
That I can make connections with completely unexpected people and I should probably keep more of an open mind on that front.
That it’s kind of OK to have no fucking clue what I’m doing. I’ll always figure it out.
That when I surrender to the fact that there are many unknowns in my life and allow myself to go with the flow, life feels generally juicier.
That I absolutely should’ve learned more French before moving to Montreal.
That change is gonna come, always, in every stage of life. If you have to throw everything you’ve known in the trash and start over, so be it.
That the more I detach myself from outcomes and stay focused on the process, the better it feels.
This year is gonna see me moving cities probably a couple more times. There is no great action plan, no grip on the logistics or the finances yet, but 44 year old me feels pretty chill about figuring it out, having built up a lifetime of know-how, friendships, connections and good will that will get me where I need to be.
44 is reassuring me, everything’s gonna be more than alright.
Happy Birthday Lovely 😘
Happpyyyy Birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈